The dark night

The dark night, originally uploaded by rajesh0811.

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Sitting alone...staring out of the window...looking at the setting sun...

Today is Republic Day for of all us - It is the 26^th of January and its nearly two years before that I left India in search of better life to this land of opportunities. Today I sit down and wonder, What all did I achieve in this 2 years of independent life?

Learned cooking: To my surprise, I exceeded my own expectations as a cook. Hereafter I won’t starve to death if left alone at home. Also i can guarantee that no one would die of food poisoning or malnutrition eating my food.

Became social: I have become more social with people. Given how much of an incorrigible introvert I was, it is indeed a commendable transformation in me. But sometimes I do feel that I am better off as an introvert.

Made friends: Made good friends and that too a tight group as usual...from all parts of india (Infact a couple of them would directly walk into my list of all time best buddies). They have made my stay in AUS enjoyable. Always indebted to u all!!!

But the sad part is other than these, I cannot think of any other creditable thing I have managed in AUS. I am still the person who hates school and studies, who is mad about music and soccer, and who would keep on listening to music non stop once initiated and one who loves to sleep long hours.

Now the most clichéd question which pops up on the 26th January resurfaces again in a broader and personal sense: Have we/me utilized our/my freedom fully and wisely?.......with a bit of shame and disappointment I would say NO!!

This is What I can say.................

Okie this concept of writing 20 sentences is kool. Interesting to write about yourself, it is gonna be difficult. In our walk of life, we tend to come across many people whom we meet, we start knowing, we analyze (tho very few people do that), but we never sit down to understand who you actually are? Various feelings- Anger, love, hate, jealousy are so unexplained but yet we posses them. I think before we see others, we should sit down and know ourselves. So here goes 20 sentences about me......


- People call me Khau, but most call me Rajesh - "U see even my name has the power to rule the mortals that walk this earth" (by the way that line was because the meaning of my name is 'the ruler of the gods'). After comin to Australia my name has been shortened to Raj as these guys cant spell my name.

- For people who know me MUSIC is and will always be the passion of my life. If ever I was granted a wish, I would ask for "EXODUS" (my band)

- My principle in life - I live life with my own principles, I don't care a shit about others, what their say is. But I do value their views. Learning from the past is very important, that is what I have achieved. Proud of it!!!!!!

- I am close to very few but the ones whom I know are really well.

- A true SCORPION by nature. Revenge is sweet for me and pain is enjoyable. When I am happy, I am joyful but when I am not, just don't piss me otherwise ill see to it that it hits you back really painfully and ill personally see to it that you have a** holes instead of a** hole.

- I hate the typical GIRLY kinds. Be yourself, you need not apply things to yourself to look good.

- I love people who trust in themselves and have a determination to achieve great things.

- For me there does not exist something called fate and destiny. I believe it is in your hands, each one is given an opportunity to prove themselves, take a right or wrong decision, so don't blame fate and destiny if you fail to make the right choice. I say if you believe in yourself that you can do something then you can. Believe me it happens.

- Life does take unusual turns. Recently there has been a new addition about myself that I can speak on and for people who know me this will be unusual. It is interesting to know the power of that 'pea' thing that each one of us posses. Yeah I am talking about our brains that some of us do lack. Intelligence - if can be achieved artificially would be a great boon to us or it may be the biggest disastrous thing to do. Chaos, system agents, Genetic algorithms and artificial intelligence is what my life is here in Australia. One day may be you will see a algorithm named Metallica algorithm or Exodus algorithm don't be surprised. Only think that a dangerous mind has been on work. BIO HAZARD

- People say I am creative. Yeah I think I am. Composing, writing lyrics, painting, learning instruments, eating (my favorite). I think at the end of my life when I am all set to sail my next part of life that time when I see myself, I should have used all my talents.

- Think twice before you challenge me to anything as I would anything to prove me right ad I mean it. "I WILL DO IT".

- A complete caffeine addict - this is one thing that triggers me a lot. Used to having atleast 10 cups daily.

- Eyes are one of the most important that I see in a person coz it speaks a lot. I love words a lot, basically that means anyone who writes.

- A complete freak when it comes to keeping things clean. I cant maintain a room clean for more than 24 hours. I am pleasantly surprised that my room has been clean off late.

- I love spending time out in the nature rather than sitting in a cozy chair and spend the day. Love to travel a lot. May be that is why people say I may have a job which involves lots of tours.

- I always tell my mom not to help someone, if it is affecting you, but sorry about that I do the same. I will do anything to help a friend who deserves it and that applies to a tight circle of friends that I have.

- I am really short tempered. It just blows off too fast. Some people I can tolerate a lot I never seem to lose my patience.

- I like to be independent. I hate being dependent on anyone.

- People think of me being very mysterious. I never reveal myself, it makes us vulnerable to others. I hate being vulnerable.

- I hate to dress up. Ask my friends about my dressing, Prabuddho might tell u, how nice it is. I love wearing Kurtas with jeans. But generally you will see me in a T shirt and Jeans.

To sum up I can say
"A riddle wrapped up in a EnIgMa" with a lot of attitude.

?????? - dont know wht to name it

I found my way,
By the light , I see in your eyes,
This day I wish would never end,
I know you will always stay.

Before we turn, we walk away,
Before we close the door to say,
Its time for me to go away.

Alone I stand, my thoughts revealed,
but I know I would always be,
lost for words to tell the eyes,
its time for me to go away.

You want it all this time,
your thoughts as well as mine,
never will I change my mind
goodbye for now.

I will not cry alone as I lie,
shut with words for one last time,
going no where, don't know why,
goodbye from you.............
never can I............

Lost in Words

Unspoken Words in my mind,
Loosing out on time,
Life with such short rhyme,
You, the only one, I could find.

Lost in words that I cannot speak,
Lost in dreams that I cannot see,
Lost in memories where life has no bounds.

Its a slaughter of million lives,
Sudden silence of million cries,
Not everything that begins.......
has an end.......
Close the door to feel, emotions to end.

Lost in words that I cannot speak,
Lost in dreams that I cannot see,
Lost in memories where life has no bounds.

Finer things tumble down,
Fade away without a sound,
Time never on my side,
Words Unspoken Never will be spoken...........

Speechless

It was April, winter of 95,
traveling through the town,
me, I had nothing better to do,
but just words, flows in shades of colors,
looks like heaven, when done.

Just as I hung up,
came across daughter of god,
no words in this world to explain how she feels,
Speechless as I see........

Gone are the days of expressions,
gone are the days to explore,
astounded as I wonder,
Silence is a great world of words itself

Searched my heart for phrases,
finding words could never be enough,
helpless,hopeless that is how I feel,
Speechless............
is how she left me...............

A feeling of Love-meaning of runaway

Once in a life time we all love a person
A person who we can never forget.
There are things that happen to us for which there is no rhyme or reason.
love is a feeling that has no explanation, no words to describe this beautiful thing.
This, is a feeling of such a man, who is in love, his feeling, emotions ..........
He feels he is miles away from his loved one even if she is an inch away from him,
with her sweet innocent smiling face and this eyes which speak everything,
those eyes in which he sees a world he dreamed, a world he is waiting, a world he created for her..........

This is a story of such a guy.............................

It is this feeling he gets who she just walks towards him even though if she is not there
he can see her even if he goes blind, he feels you need not have eyes to see someone whom you love, he can even feel her hands holding his, yet she is far.
it is this thought that he wants to run away from himself........

The pain, the troubles, that he faced, never had he felt lonely, as he always felt that she was with him for every trouble he faced or every moment of happiness that he came across in his life, she was so close that he could hear her whispers.......

As he knows he cant be with his love this life, he just prays to god to end his life sooner and grant him a life with his loved one.....

He wants to be with her desperately, he knows there is no life beyond her
just no life without her
how much ever he tries to take out that memory, he is not able to and he feels none but he is to be blamed for everything. Still he feels she should not get hurt for what is happening .......

Now he chooses to live a life closing all his doors to emotions, taking shelter from every confrontation with life (which he feels is her), making his life a mess...................

RUN AWAY